Wedding Planner

I have to admit, I thought that the hard part of our wedding was going to be to make it legal.  After that, I kind of felt as though we’d just fade into the marriage ceremony and everything was just a little fuzzy at this point in my fantasy. 

Now that I am actually standing ankle deep in a pool of things I have to do to get this marriage off the ground, I realize that the easy part was waiting for my legal rights.  The hard part is to go from someone who thought he knew what weddings were all about (I am, after all, an avid reader of wedding magazines) to a person who actually has to fill out forms, apply for licenses, add up all the components of name changes, and keep a tangled guest list in order. 

On top of all of this is this nagging crash of words, like the ocean splashing on the shore, that tells me, “Just elope.  Just elope.  Just elope.” 

So now I am actually READING those wedding magazines, not just looking at pictures of the latest way to arrange a bouquet.  And their best advice to help you plan for your wedding is to … wait for it … hire a wedding planner. 

Okay, thanks wedding magazines.  That was completely helpful for a guy who has to plan his day to day meals to conserve money so that rent can be paid.  Here I thought that saving money to rent a venue (which magazines tell me should have been rented four months ago, whoops!) was the priority.  But now I know that I should have had a planner telling me to save that money for the venue.  I am such an amateur. 

I can’t afford that poop!  I think there are a few factors in this that make us not quite typical for wedding planners.  The first is our financial situation.  Joseph and I are adults who have been together for over twelve years.  We have bills and all of those worries married couples already have.  We’d like to buy our own home one day.  We are also too old to go to the parents for money for something the parents never planned on.  My mom and dad have all boys and have kicked their heels together more than once to celebrate the fact that tradition didn’t pin them into paying for weddings.  And, here’s the topper, we’re gay. 

What does a gay wedding look like?  I don’t know.  Do I get to hold a bouquet or wear a boutonniere?  When you search the web for pictures of gay weddings, you get a lot of pictures of cheesy groom and groom wedding cake toppers, happy lesbians in Hawaiian shirts, and guys who look like 1980’s models in matching tuxes.  Joseph and I look more like lesbians in Hawaiian shirts than 1980’s models. 

I’m not the only one worrying about what it will look like.  Very sweet and well-meaning people have approached me to say something to the effect of, “Oh, we have never seen a gay wedding before, this will be something.”  And as nice as this might seem, it feels more like they are saying to me, “Oh, a two-headed giraffe?  We have never seen one of those!  This will be a spectacle we cannot miss!”  And while I deeply care for these people in my life, their well-meant anticipation feels more like they are expecting to see a circus side show rather than a legitimate exchange of love and vows.  And there are also beloved people in my life who would be just as happy to forego the vows and save themselves from  the awkward feeling that comes with witnessing a wedding being made of a relationship they have already made peace with but didn’t actually care to celebrate. 

Am I feeling overwhelmed?  Yeah, just a little bit. 

And those wedding magazines are no help.  When I look through them for inspiration now, I only see a sea of satin and lace, mermaid fits and A-lines and ball gowns.  And there’s model after model looking slightly miffed to have to be seen in a wedding dress with her pissed-off model face.  Shouldn’t models be smiling on their photo-fantasy of a wedding day?  I guess not.  What do I know? 

Joseph is helpful.  He is trying to give me what he thinks I want, and I am trying to want it for his sake. 

What do I want?  Just a warm group of friends sitting together and eating cake.  That’s it!  How do I take that image and make an event out of it?