Joseph is like an Ogre, which is to say he’s like an
onion. He’s like an onion in a good way;
he has layers. And the layers to this
true-life proposal amazed me.
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| Please excuse my old, worn hands. I wash them too much. |
The proposal was simple.
I was up in the morning, and making coffee. Joseph came downstairs and requested a cup
for himself. He was pushing it, because he
left his intricate coffee thermos for me to wash, but I was in a good
mood. So I fixed him a cup of coffee and
when I went into the living room, Joseph had a rose out for me, which was
sweet. I figured it had something to do
with December 6th being the day it became legal in Washington for
same sex couples to purchase marriage licenses.
But then I saw his hand was behind his back, and my inner voice started
to squeal, “Oh, no he didn’t!”
But he did. He got
down on one knee, opened up a Ben Bridge box, and asked me if I would do him
the honor (he literally said, “Do me the honor of marrying me.”). It all became blurry at this point, I had
tunnel vision, and I know it sounds cheesy, but I was becoming overwhelmed. Twelve years with this guy and I still had “that
moment.”
I realized I hadn’t said anything as I hugged him close to
me, and suddenly I said, “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!” I was having my moment, sure, but I wasn’t
too far gone to forego a chance to be a cheese puff.
Facebook was notified, Mom and my friend Kimberly were
texted, and that was it! I was
officially engaged. Joseph went from
being “my dude” to being “my fiancé.”
Done.
But so simple of an engagement one morning over a cup of
coffee on my end took a world of planning and set up on Joseph’s end:
1.
Joseph
had to tell me he was going to get his oil changed one Saturday morning, to
which I said, “ew!” So he had to go by
himself. But really, this was an appointment
he had made at Ben Bridge to go over rings.
The ring he wanted needed to have a diamond bought to place in it and
they only had a yellow diamond. Yellow
diamonds might be the trend, but Joseph has a classic sense of style, with a
nod to antique looks. He wanted a white
diamond. So he had to go back when the
salesman told him they would be having new diamonds to choose from. Bada-bing, handpicked diamond.
2.
Because Ben Bridge can’t keep their mouths shut,
we received three of their flyers addressed to our new address. They knew our old address (from the days when
Joseph was outfitting me with earrings), and I didn’t even think about how they
might have gotten our new address. I
began looking through the small catalog and enjoyed it. So, just in case I was getting an idea of
what might have happened, Joseph ordered a cubic zirconium ring from Amazon. He let me discover the opened box, waited for
me to ask about its contents, then said it was an idea he had that he was over
now. He explained he thought I should
wear a CZ ring as a gag and also to keep the place of the rings we have worn
for years, which we had planned to take off on December 6th to make it more special when we exchanged them. He then told me that he had rethought his original
decision, this ring was cheap, and it was a little silly to wear a gag ring,
etc. I agreed with him, but would have
worn it if he had pressed me in the opposite direction. So we sent the $40 ring back to Amazon and I
was left thinking that Joseph wasn’t too keen on the ring thing.
3.
I woke up earlier than he did, so he had to
distract me with coffee to get the rose and ring out of their hiding place in
the craft room (he knew that was the last room I’d ever go in, as I’m the
laziest crafter ever) so the rose and ring were in place when I came out of the
kitchen with his cup o’ Joe. He had
thought of waking me up at midnight, but wisely allowed me to sleep. And I loved it that he did it in the morning,
with our coffee and our sleepy eyes.
This was for us.
4.
He had thought about doing the proposal on
Thanksgiving in front of friends. He had
thought about doing it on Christmas morning in front of family. He had thought of doing it in a park, or a
restaurant, or a few other places, but decided against all of them for reasons
I felt myself. Any of these places would
have been less about us and more of a show we put on for other people. Better for us to just do it for ourselves and
then, maybe, blog about it and post it all over Facebook to make a show for
other people. Eh?
Over the course of twelve years together, the idea of a
commitment ceremony of some sort had come up a couple of times. Once, when Oregon decided gay marriage would
be legal for a hot minute in 2004 (I think, don’t quote me) we were going to
drive down to Portland and tie the knot.
But Joseph decided that he didn’t like that. He said it was as though we were so desperate
to have what the “normal people” had that we would jump through any hoops to
get it. He said that what we had was
love, and that the idea of trying to say it wasn’t as good as anyone else’s
love by pretending to have what straight couples had didn’t appeal to him.
So every time the idea for a commitment ceremony came up, it
was met with the philosophy that a commitment ceremony was just us pretending
to have a wedding and a marriage. And I’m
not saying commitment ceremonies are bad or meaningless. Believe me, I wanted one, I understand them,
and I felt the pull to stand up and give my friends and family a formalized declaration
of my love for Joseph. But a commitment
ceremony just wasn’t “us.” It wasn’t for
Frank and Joseph. When it was legal for
us to exchange vows on equal footing with our straight friends and family, that’s
when we would do so.
Well, the day has come.
I have a diamond on my finger and joy in my heart and a whole lot of
crap to do before next fall. Oh, dear!
